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Mitch's #1 key to successful networking: Wear pants. |
Idea! Someone needs to invent a waffle iron that also irons clothes. You could look good while enjoying a tasty breakfast. |
From my friend Slash: I understood that when Obama won, we'd all receive magic ponies. This is a very disappointing start. |
Enough with all this Obama/McCain nonsense. It's time we put a real man in the White House: Lee Majors. |
Tomorrow's headline prediction, regardless: President-Elect Celebrates Victory With Well-Earned Smirkfest |
I'm still waiting for someone to prove to me that leeks are anything more than freakishly large green onions. |
Look, buddy, we're all proud of our achievements. But displaying
more than four bowling trophies at once is too showy. |
The silver lining behind being on Tylenol and Motrin 24/7: I haven't bought cotton balls in nearly a decade. |
Just got a call: "Mr. Kobriger, this is Zogby. We'd like to ask you a few questions." Zogby? Is that one of Palin's kids? |
Anyone know who the Rastafarians are running this year? Ol' Mitch is still undecided. |
You can keep your iPod; just give me my View-Master and a bottle of Cuervo. |
Obama would have had this thing in the bag ages ago if he had consulted *my* barber. |
Mitch has decided to begin tweeting again -- and after I said that the first time at age 17, I never thought I'd have to say it again. |
Overrated: ferrets. Underrated: chinchillas. |
It's a damn shame Jimmy Durante never got to play an action hero. |
If I was planning on getting one of those little yappy dogs, I'd definitely want one with hair. |
I say let Mr. Hasselhoff drink his fill. The man's earned it. |
I'd really admire ants if they weren't so damned tiny. |
I like my women like I like my albacore: flaky and moist. |
Trust me: You can save a lot of money buying your asbestos in bulk. |
