meowrey
Finally got my first real business cards. Primed to either win some free lunches, or go on a murderous rampage because there's no watermark.
| meowrey If you're a guy who likes to chat up girls in parking lots, I bet it's hard to get back on your game after you mix up Ted Bundy & Al Bundy. |
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| meowrey Playing Girl Talk. Putting on Zit Stickers. |
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| meowrey House, M.D.: This Echovirus 11 stuff's OK, but I hope next season they do 1 where a girl gets toxic shock syndrome from a forgotten tampon. |
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| meowrey There's a soft, warped spot of the floor in my hall that really creeps me out. It's like stepping on the fontanelle of a giant baby head. |
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| meowrey 1st week at my job, but I've already learned tons. Like, gave Mom my work email & learned she has a liberal definition of "High Importance". |
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| meowrey Recycled work # has inspired an awe of telemarketers. If *I* dialed someone's office & got a new hire's outgoing greeting, I might hang up. |
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| meowrey New Low in Dad News FWs: "NYC Has Higher Herpes Rate, Study Says." Unless this article says you can get it from toilet seats, I'm offended. |
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| meowrey Wait...my boyfriend threw a party?! Why wasn't I invited? #onlysortoffunnyifyouknowus |
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| meowrey Not to nitpick, but isn't a *vanity plate* saying "LUV SELF" redundant? That's like getting "douche" embroidered on your popped polo collar. |
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| meowrey @hotdogsladies The real 9th "Habit"? Addiction to focus-enhancing prescription amphetamines. (How do you think the rest are even possible?) |
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| meowrey Hit the bourbon pretty hard before a Mario Kart match. Thought I was cool to drive, 'til that Cloud Guy gave me a DUI on the Jungle Parkway. |
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| meowrey Oh God, this guy on the subway had coffee & tobacco breath so bad, I could smell it two seats away. That's not halitosis. That's SKOALiosis. |
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| meowrey Sorry I've been distant lately. I was experimenting with asocial networking: I pounced on a new job, friended my Wii, and favorited my bed. |
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| meowrey Pagination & IM are "features with disabilities," NOT "disabled." (Add Sensitivity Training to the To-Do list while you're at it, Twitter.) |
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| meowrey @ylnt That's funny! I've always done my Kegels to Archie Bell & The Drells' "Tighten Up". It's like having a fitness instructor cuing you! |
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| meowrey @gordonshumway Why Work Serves A Purpose, Vol. 2: Constantly replenished free tampons in the ladies room? My menstruation's been subsidized! |
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| meowrey Oh, hey, Twitter- Mary J. Blige's people just called. They want to know if you'd be interested in making "I'm Goin' Down" your theme song. |
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| meowrey Church-goers, *experience* the Bible at home with Mario Kart Wii! (Stupefying lightning bolts doled out at random? Pure Old Testament God!) |
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| meowrey Since Iron Man's doing well & Favreau set it in CA, isn't it time for an SF superhero? Call him Burning Man. And his assistant? Neti Potts. |
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