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biz
my three single friends get frequently distracted—a split second switch from mid conversation to animal instinct
10:16 AM October 05, 2008
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AmyJane
Jonas just asked me, in an exasperated voice, "Did you pick up my dry cleaning?" I don't know what to say to that, but he seems PISSED.
11:11 AM September 05, 2008
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phillygirl
Received Days of the Week flour sacks as a gift. So I can keep my flour separate. According to the day. At last my long nightmare is over.
04:59 PM September 02, 2008
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matthewbaldwin
Biking up that hill on the way home from work in 90° heat sucked balls. And not in a good way, like where it's my balls getting sucked.
06:25 PM August 05, 2008
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Mike_FTW
If there are any Kenyan Twitterers listening; I'm interested in one of those Lakers 2008 NBA Campions t-shirts you're about to get boxes of.
09:02 PM June 17, 2008
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tj
Just saw a car on a TV show go over the embankment and NOT explode. Oh come on, like that ever happens.
07:36 PM June 17, 2008
from twitterrific
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cleversimon
In theory, the odds of me plugging in a USB cord upside-down are 50-50. In practice? One hundred fucking percent.
11:28 PM May 26, 2008
from twitterrific
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phillygirl
As I pour my 2nd glass of wine I notice the neighbors have rented a bulldozer. It's outside. Unattended.
08:19 PM May 20, 2008
from txt
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Sundry
I'm thinking if you're old enough to tell me to change your diaper, you're old enough to crap somewhere other than your own pants.
08:21 PM May 16, 2008
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AmyJane
We've been married too long: I went into John's office to give him a package. I was topless (of course!). He squealed, "OOOOOOOH, JETPENS!"
09:04 AM May 02, 2008
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hotdogsladies
"Excellence is a Balloon we inflate with Value whenever we Dare a Dream of Teamwork. Also, Golf."
02:20 PM February 24, 2008
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DarksideHalo
@dunstan: Your feet have a very sexy skeletal structure. Rar.
08:33 PM February 13, 2008
from web
in reply to dunstan
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AmyJane
Doctor asked me what I use for birth control. I should have told her that my husband takes photos of bad quotation marks. That's all I need.
09:02 AM January 28, 2008
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BreakingNewsOn
The Las Vegas Gambling Board says gambling actually continued while the rest of the Monte Carlo was partly on fire and in evacuation.
12:49 PM January 25, 2008
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AmyJane
Me: "If you hit me, then there will be no movies tonight." Jonas: "Then I will hit you tomorrow." Little bastard.
04:37 PM January 17, 2008
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AmyJane
I got the spinning beach ball on my computer and Jonas FLIPPED OUT, screaming, "You have the get that Mama! That's a power-up!"
05:50 PM January 15, 2008
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mathowie
Nike+ chip in my shoes = total TSA freakout in Kauai
10:33 PM January 13, 2008
from mobile web
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gruber
Jonas: Is it good to say "What the hell"? Me: No. Jonas: It sounds good if you say it quietly.
03:31 PM January 13, 2008
from txt
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