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people who can wiggle their ears are cool
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all i want my printer to do is print but no instead it crumples my paper into unusable wads and gets ink on my fingers. like a mean octopus
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the voting booth confused me and a policeman told me to hurry up so i pressed random switches and i think i voted communist
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saturday night lives probably gonna blow for the next 4 years now that everyone will stop caring about politics. thanks a lot republicans
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i was so busy looking both ways before crossing the street that i didnt notice the large man on a bicycle heading right for my stomach
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"There is a mix of sadness and outrage" http://tinyurl.com/5r63zz
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i used to be able to touch my toes by bending but now when i try i just topple over. turtles cant touch their toes either. maybe im a turtle
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http://tinyurl.com/3fb8dj read every word of this. all of the words. read them all.
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Hickory Dickory Dock, The mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one, The mouse ran down! Hickory Dickory Dock.
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Over 491 billion Oreo cookies have been sold since they were first introduced, making them the best selling cookie of the 20th century.
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i had a dream last night where i was small and had a nose bleed and people were laughing at me and i was crying and there was blood all over
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when i declared war on pakistan last week i didnt think the media would take that out of context geez http://tinyurl.com/4aadpb
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watched a little land before time on youtube today. feeling pretty good right now
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Dr Pepper was a favorite beverage of John Lennon. Bottles can be seen in the film Let It Be and Lennon's original Imagine film.
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the government never gave me a 700 billion dollar bailout when i lost my wallet on the bus sup with that george bush
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Revolvers cannot be silenced because of all the noisy gasses which escape the cylinder gap at the rear of the barrel.
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tina fey does a better sarah palin impersonation then sarah palin does
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"The red speck appears to be chili and the green speck is avocado. Do you know what that means?" - Batman
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fuck hurricanes
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i lifted a 5 pound book today and there was an explosion of cracking noises from my fingers i think i might have aged without realizing
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