 |
tj
I'm now looking at every new email as an opportunity to create a filter in GMail that includes a checkbox next to "Skip Inbox".
11:09 AM Aug 18th from twitterrific
|
 |
Moltz
I regret to inform you that I am leaving my pants. I do NOT expect to return. I loved my pants but they were becoming a distraction.
7:12 AM Jul 26th from web
|
 |
hotdogsladies
Oh, no. Don't "leave Twitter." But, if you must, for the love of God, PLEASE post a long explanation. So our children can know your story.
6:49 AM Jul 26th from web
|
|
|
tj
(Scene: Driving back from the X-Files movie)
Me: So... Amazon had the complete series of the X-Files on sale today…
Her: Of course you did.
...
8:57 AM Jul 25th from twitterrific
|
 |
luomat
The first noise you just heard was thunder. The second was my underwear ascending past my lower intestine. Doppler effect.
6:49 PM Jul 23rd from web
|
 |
|
 |
thicke
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of iPhone users suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
8:49 AM Jul 11th from Ping.fm
|
 |
lonelysandwich
Today, I'm coining a retronymous neologistic portmanteau for people who use Twitter to beg for Favorites. And the word is: Twattle.
2:31 PM Jul 1st from web
|
|
|
tj
Dear Kashi: Eating your "trail mix" bar has inspired me to learn Yoga so one day I can lick my ass to get the foul taste out of my mouth.
12:20 PM Jun 22nd from twitterrific
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
tj
HOW MUCH IS IT?
WHEN CAN I BUY IT?
HOW MUCH IS IT?
WHEN CAN I BUY IT?
HOW MUCH IS IT?
WHEN CAN I BUY IT?
HOW MUCH IS IT?
WHEN CAN I BUY IT?
11:40 AM Jun 9th from twitterrific
|
 |
|
|
|
tj
My chair broke last week and nearly threw me face first into my desk. In other news, I have some slightly used pants for sale. "As-is."
10:10 AM May 31st from twitterrific
|
|
|
|
 |
awryone
Because my wife is vegetarian, I am one by default. I am so meat deprived that looking down at myself peeing now makes my stomach growl.
4:13 PM May 29th from web
|
|
|
|
|
|
hotdogsladies
American Apparel tailors their shirts for men who aren't fortunate enough to share my sophisticated relationship with pie.
6:42 PM May 22nd from web
|
|
|
tj
Dear Overstock.com: Please stop using "BEDDING BLOWOUT" as a Subject: line. I immediately think diarrhea + leaky diaper = unpleasant morning
3:00 PM May 16th from twitterrific
|
|
|
|
