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«« Mom: "You don't think my sister is bossy, do you?" Dad: [blinks twice] »» I'm glad I was there for your last punchline, Dad.
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tired: obama; wired: teen buddha
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to achieve INBOX ZERO, simply set up an auto-reply to bounce back the original message prepended with "HAHAHA. Can you believe this idiot?"
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Quick, someone register has24jumpedthesharkthisseasonyet.com...you may have only 90 minutes before needing to make the only update this year
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Having to go to sleep is such a rip-off. I wish our evolutionary ancestors got attacked more at night.
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"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him." Yeah, well, panda don't play that. See you when you're out of the hospital, kid.
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The President of the United States is Barack Obama.
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Had lunch on Wall Street today while watching CNN ask: "THE END OF WALL STREET?" Hope not! It was good salad.
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Can someone come get this potato? I have no idea what to do with it.
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relieved that after 20 years complaining there are too many corny jokes in Bond movies, we can spend the next 10 saying there are too few
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the best thing about going to a japanese bar is that you see what cellphones look like in the future.
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so what am i eating here? spaghetti or squash?
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And he probably won't even sleep with the interns!
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Things heard when checking whether it was safe to unplug my ears while Mom spoke: "I wish you...creative writing course...wasted talent..."
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Mom, on some mild stalking among silver foxes in her town: "He left three messages on her answerphone!!" I suggested a firmly worded telex.
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Spoiler alert: You spend your whole life planning the play, but it never opens, because your life is the play.
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Somewhere between Game 6 and Game 7, this t-shirt ran out of luck. Sorry, Red Sox.
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TBS fell asleep at the switch and game 6 of the ALCS is being played but not shown. steve harvey bowl.
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Of all the changes, I am extremely upset about the loss of Target Disk Mode, particularly because I never got a chance to use it.
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the most perfect non-perfect game in history.
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