«« Mom: "You don't think my sister is bossy, do you?" Dad: [blinks twice] »» I'm glad I was there for your last punchline, Dad.
1:21 PM Nov 30th from web
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to achieve INBOX ZERO, simply set up an auto-reply to bounce back the original message prepended with "HAHAHA. Can you believe this idiot?"
4:39 PM Nov 24th from web
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Quick, someone register has24jumpedthesharkthisseasonyet.com...you may have only 90 minutes before needing to make the only update this year
5:35 PM Nov 23rd from web
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Having to go to sleep is such a rip-off. I wish our evolutionary ancestors got attacked more at night.
10:46 PM Nov 22nd from web
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"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him." Yeah, well, panda don't play that. See you when you're out of the hospital, kid.
1:55 PM Nov 22nd from web
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Had lunch on Wall Street today while watching CNN ask: "THE END OF WALL STREET?" Hope not! It was good salad.
6:44 PM Nov 20th from web
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Can someone come get this potato? I have no idea what to do with it.
5:38 PM Nov 19th from web
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relieved that after 20 years complaining there are too many corny jokes in Bond movies, we can spend the next 10 saying there are too few
11:10 PM Nov 13th from web
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the best thing about going to a japanese bar is that you see what cellphones look like in the future.
8:37 AM Nov 8th from web
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And he probably won't even sleep with the interns!
9:28 PM Nov 4th from web
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Things heard when checking whether it was safe to unplug my ears while Mom spoke: "I wish you...creative writing course...wasted talent..."
2:27 PM Nov 1st from web
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Mom, on some mild stalking among silver foxes in her town: "He left three messages on her answerphone!!" I suggested a firmly worded telex.
3:55 PM Oct 26th from web
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Spoiler alert: You spend your whole life planning the play, but it never opens, because your life is the play.
3:34 PM Oct 26th from web
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Somewhere between Game 6 and Game 7, this t-shirt ran out of luck. Sorry, Red Sox.
8:57 PM Oct 19th from web
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TBS fell asleep at the switch and game 6 of the ALCS is being played but not shown. steve harvey bowl.
5:23 PM Oct 18th from web
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Of all the changes, I am extremely upset about the loss of Target Disk Mode, particularly because I never got a chance to use it.
8:16 PM Oct 17th from web
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