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green olives for dinner. the gin was pretty good, too.
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@eglath so in. bring a needle and thread, too.
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i feel broken. can someone help put me back together?
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grams just called with my t-giving assignment. first year i won't be bringing rolls. instead: booze. i'm all grown up! and an alchie?
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treadmill neighbor totally thought the ceiling was leaking water. turns out it was just sweat from my ponytail wackin him. sorry, dude.
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neighbor "how dumb do people have to be to ride their bike in this weather?" me "oh, so soo dumb." (it was totally me he saw. shh..)
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stepped on a (used) condom running by the river today. get a room, people.
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i need a vodka drink. with a side of vodka. and make it a double.
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this client conversation went from Hello Kitty unmentionables to Hello Kitty vibrators. haaaay pussy cat.
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holy nonstop emotional eating. semi-related: just unbuttoned my pants at work.
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at dinner and my uncle-in-law just suggested I put my cookie under my armpit to soften it up..whoa boy..
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thought i had the whole emailing and walking thing down and then i found a light post between my legs. youch!
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i think i can see my reflection in james carville's head. kinda cool.
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dude in this coffeeshop just stood on my table & proposed to his g.friend. am i awake right now? i think i must be dreaming this. nevermind.
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grabbed yoga towel outta dryer, stuffed in yoga bag, got to studio, spread out towel, unmentionables fell out. yeah, i felt fucking awesome.
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just ran outta my place after finding 2 dudes spooning on my air mattress and 1 dude (never seen before) sprawled out on my couch. ish.
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@duncanshannon your brother sliced his hand. 7ish stitches. that dude can bleed.
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i'd like to thank the stranger who passed me kleenex during rachel getting married. and the usher who let me know the movie/wedding was over
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highlights from urgent care visit: french fry in bloody undershirt, nurse melody's tattooed brows, and i was the one that found the sutures.
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aged 10 years this week.
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