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I HAVE AN ITCH IN MY GROIN AND IT WON'T GO AWAY
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I haven't been here for awhile. I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!
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I HEAR THE KID FROM PROBLEM CHILD IS STEALING CARS
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Back in 1981 Dick Ebersol fired me from Saturday Night live. DAMN YOU DICK !!!
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I found a website that lists 180 mistakes in Disney's Aladin. IT"S ONLY A CARTOON. LIGHTEN UP OR GET DRUNK. I don't care which.
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If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.
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It takes a lot of talent to do the voice of the Aflac Duck. AFLAC!!!
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EVEN I CAN'T BELIVE THAT I'M MARRIED !!!
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I mean to say my agent. I CAN'T EVEN SPELL!!!
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My again got me a gig at a Al Qaeda training camp. i don't think he likes me very well.
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I gotta Tinkle, Do you mind?
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Steven Seagal won't stop calling me. I DON'T HAVE HIS CASSEROLE DISH !!!
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Last night I bought a Tickle me OJ Doll
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Last week I had lunch with Dr. Kevorkian and he asked me how I was feeling. I said "I'M FEELING GREAT, I FEEL FANTASTIC"
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WHY WON'T ANYBODY PULL MY FINGER?
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HEY JAPANESE PEOPLE TWEET IN ENGLISH. I DON"T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
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YEAH I"M RIPPING OFF LETTERMAN JOKES. SO WHAT !!!
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I COULD HAVE BEEN THE NEXT JAMES BOND. DIDN"T THEY EVEN LOOK AT MY AUDITION TAPE!!!
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When I did the voice of Mister Mxyzptlk for the Superman cartoon, I WAS DRUNK !!!
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SOMEONE HID THE TOILET PAPER!!!WHY HIDE TOILET PAPER. IT'S NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT'S MADE OUT OF PAPER
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